Why That Flight Attendant Who Deployed An Emergency Slide Is Literally All Of Us At One Time Or Another

A United Airlines flight attendant got the hook for deploying an emergency slide for no apparent reason. 

By now you’ve probably heard the bizarre news report of a flight attendant who went out of her way to deploy an emergency slide on a flight after landing in Houston from Sacramento. News stations are saying that she deployed the slide “for no apparent reason” and that this event was “bizarre, mysterious, and out of place.” But is it really? Come on.We don’t think so.

Although at this time few people know the motive behind this supposedly heinous crime, our theory places this United Airlines flight attendant as literally all of us at one time or another. Here’s why.

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If you’re like me who’ll fly at least once a year, whether it be for work or pleasure, you can’t deny that you’ve entertained the idea of pulling that emergency slide just to know what it’s like. Our first experiences with slides were definitely tied to fun times. Usually, we remember that metal or plastic slide during recess with the longer slides being much more fun than the shorter ones. Those slides were maybe 10 feet in length at best. This emergency slide? Around 31 feet with a much steeper exit angle.

If you’ll remember back in 2010, a Jet Blue flight attendant infamously cussed out a rude customer over the intercom, proceeded to grab a beer, and ended his career with Jet Blue by pulling the emergency slide handle and exiting the plane in dramatic fashion. Passengers who were witnesses recall that flight attendant leaving the plane with a grin plastered on his face.

No other occupation on earth allows you to have an FAA guaranteed exit that both ensures you’ll be fired while having a safe yet grand time doing it. Again, although we don’t know the reasons this particular flight attendant in Houston did what she did, we like to imagine a combination of job apathy and her curiosity got the best of her. Airlines don’t hire incompetent individuals to be the face of the company. That flight attendant knew exactly what she was doing and probably knew how much this would cost her beloved company.

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We, as mere mortals watching from a distance, only got the chance to see someone leave their job in one of the best ways possible. Granted,  this method of leaving a job is grossly irresponsible and might very well ruin her chances at getting another job without relocating, we can’t help but grin at the thought of her doing it.

So for now, cheers to you United Airlines flight attendant. We live vicariously through you.